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The Forest Shadow Pack where you can do more than role-play a wolf. Join us and expect lots of fun!

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The forst seamed silent and lifeless, but don't be fooled. Look around carefully, do you see the glint of eyes among the trees? Can you feel the pack watching and waiting silently?
 
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 Frustration

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Rezsia
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Wolf Gender :
Wolf Age : 2 years
Deputy
Crush On : Perhaps Fang
Mate : No one
The Council
Health :
200 / 100200 / 100

Experience :
200 / 200200 / 200

Strength :
180 / 200180 / 200

Speed :
180 / 200180 / 200

Agility :
180 / 200180 / 200

Wisdom :
180 / 200180 / 200

Dominant's Trust :
200 / 200200 / 200

Reputation : 7


PostSubject: Frustration    Wed Jun 27, 2012 8:55 pm

Frustration

The lion's roar echoed through the house

The cat's yowl returned ten fold

The storm has come again

As it has done every month



It has never stopped

Never abated

For seventeen years it has come

An indelible scar in the memory


How can a person bear such burden

Knowing they were the cause

Of ripping apart a family

And bringing this endless storm?


Last edited by Rezsia on Thu Jun 28, 2012 8:02 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Razzu
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Wolf Gender :
Wolf Age : 2
Gierows
Crush On : Aura
Mate : He has someone
The Council
Health :
100 / 100100 / 100

Experience :
30 / 20030 / 200

Strength :
120 / 200120 / 200

Speed :
20 / 20020 / 200

Agility :
20 / 20020 / 200

Wisdom :
40 / 20040 / 200

Dominant's Trust :
80 / 20080 / 200

Reputation : 0


PostSubject: Re: Frustration    Thu Jun 28, 2012 7:24 am

I like this poem buddy Very Happy
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Rezsia
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Wolf Gender :
Wolf Age : 2 years
Deputy
Crush On : Perhaps Fang
Mate : No one
The Council
Health :
200 / 100200 / 100

Experience :
200 / 200200 / 200

Strength :
180 / 200180 / 200

Speed :
180 / 200180 / 200

Agility :
180 / 200180 / 200

Wisdom :
180 / 200180 / 200

Dominant's Trust :
200 / 200200 / 200

Reputation : 7


PostSubject: Re: Frustration    Thu Jun 28, 2012 11:04 am

Thanks buddy Razz
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PostSubject: Re: Frustration    Thu Jun 28, 2012 5:14 pm

This is also very good. :3 Though, "yale" is a male given name. I'm sure you meant "yowl"? Bare should be replaced with "bear", as "bare" can mean "naked", "open to view" (like baring ones fangs), "plain", or "unconcealed". Bear can mean "support", "to bring forth young", "produce by natural growth", or "be capable of". Oh, and it can be an animal. I'm pretty sure the word here should be bear. The last few lines, "How can a person bare such burden / Knowing they were the cause. / Of ripping apart a family / And bringing this endless storm" should be changed a little. The "bear"/"bare" thing is already dealt with, but the period after "cause" is unnecessary and there should be a question mark after "storm". And seventeen is also not spaced. Razz Otherwise, great job. Your poetry surpasses Daphne's by millions.

An example of hers:

"Thank you...
Thanks for letting me know you,
Thanks for being in this world,

There are no words that can describe how special you are,
You are unique, you are awesome, you are... my friend.

Why you seem to glow so much?
Why you make me feel needed?
Why of... everyone, you choosed me?
That is flattering. That is a honor.

Sorry for annoying you,
Sorry for sometimes being a selfish,
Sorry for, one time or another, be so put in front of my problems at a point I couldn't see you had them too.

You always helped me, you helped me out of the dark.
I hope I can help you.

Thanks for letting me be who I am, thanks for accepting me even with those horrible faults.
Thanks for putting me out of this."

...xD Your stuff is way better than that.
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Rezsia
Admin
avatar

Wolf Gender :
Wolf Age : 2 years
Deputy
Crush On : Perhaps Fang
Mate : No one
The Council
Health :
200 / 100200 / 100

Experience :
200 / 200200 / 200

Strength :
180 / 200180 / 200

Speed :
180 / 200180 / 200

Agility :
180 / 200180 / 200

Wisdom :
180 / 200180 / 200

Dominant's Trust :
200 / 200200 / 200

Reputation : 7


PostSubject: Re: Frustration    Thu Jun 28, 2012 8:05 pm

Lol thanks Tannuki for the complements, though the poem I saw by you wasn't half bad too Razz And I'm always glad of spelling and grammar check hehe
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PostSubject: Re: Frustration    Fri Jun 29, 2012 5:22 am

You're very welcome. :3 I'm always glad to help out.
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